My cat Bersi is possibly the awesomest cat in the world. I mean sure, I might be a bit of a biased parent - but still, he's all that. He plays fetch and chasey, he gives me high fives, he snuggles up in the bed with us, and he likes people food.
But of late, I might have created a monster.
His favourite things to play fetch with are little toy mice. I tend to buy him a new one every time I go to a pet shop. He's a bit like a kid with a new toy - he'll love it for a while, then lose interest.
Until Green Mouse came along.
There was no indication that Green Mouse was any different from his many predecessors - but some months later, Green Mouse remains in as high favour as on the first day. He's a bit tattier now. He's missing a tail, and both ears. He's stained, and smells weird. But he is, apparently, still The Best Toy In The World. We know this because there is no escaping the attentions of Green Mouse. Wherever we are in the house, whatever we're doing, Green Mouse will be presented for throwing. Playing Xbox, watching TV, having a bath, going to the toilet - all are opportunities for throwing Green Mouse, as far as Bersi is concerned. In the wee hours of the night, when we are trying very hard to be asleep, Bersi will jump on the bed, walk up my body - along leg, hip and arm - and stand on my shoulder. He pauses, takes aim, and drops Green Mouse onto my face, by preference into my ear. It is hard to ignore. Especially since if I try to ignore it, Bersi will yell at me. So I free a limp arm from the blankets, and toss Green Mouse vaguely towards the bedroom door. Then he returns - again and again. Green Mouse doesn't care that it's 3am. Green Mouse doesn't care if you need to get up early. He is a harsh master.
Because I am a Mean Mummy, sometimes I try to confiscate Green Mouse when he makes these night-time appearances, by shoving him under my pillow. This worked for a while - Bersi would cry piteously for a while, then snuggle up and go to sleep. But he is a smart cat. He has worked out where Green Mouse is hidden. And now he fishes him back out from under my pillow, and the games begin again.
And there is an extra factor that makes Green Mouse extra super fun. Bersi carries him around the house with him, and includes Green Mouse in what he's doing. So sometimes Green Mouse sits in the food bowl, eating cat biscuits. And sometimes he goes for a swim in the water bowl. And then sometimes he gets taken out of the water bowl, and at 3am, is brought onto the bed and dropped, dripping, into my unsuspecting ear. If you've never experienced the delight of waking from your slumber with a wet mouse in your ear, and an extremely heavy cat sitting expectantly on your shoulder - well, you just haven't lived.